Sunday, December 23, 2007

Egg Nog + Pumpkin + CuisineArt + Pumpkin Pie Spice equals

OMG why haven't I been doing this all my life? Thank gawd I bought two quarts of nog. I need this in an IV Drip STAT!!!

The 2007 Feeding Frenzy is so ON.

Plus Mom brought lamb chops, a cauliflower and Black Bean Soup. Plus I've got stewing beef chili and corn. And fixins for Tater Tot Casserole, including chopped turkey, cheddar cheese, mushroom soup, salsa, sour cream pickled jalapenas and wieners. Ice cold milk and oreos and salt & vinegar chips. And Beef Jerky.

And if you really wanted a peanut butter and fluff sandwich, you can have that too. Or Roast beef and provolone on rye, with some sandwich pepperoni, thin-sliced, to give it some kick. And roasted peppers or Sun-dried tomatoes....

Whatevs...The 2007 Feeding Frenzy is in its final stretch.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

2 Girls 1 Cup: Holy Shit

Well, thanks to those bastids on BBI, I mustered the courage (or maybe the insanity) to go ahead and watch the 2 girls 1 cup video.

HOLY SH*T THAT WAS FLOCKING GROSS!!! Who the flock does that??? Are there actually people out there who actually get turned on by that kind of thing??? How revolting!!!

And what kind of sh*t was that??? Who the hell sh*ts like that? It didn't look like sh*t. It looked like chocolate mousse.

And who can sh*t on command like that for the camera? Were they sitting around all day in that little break room, waiting for that chick to be ready to make a big sh*t??? I think not!

I think they must have had her do that pre-colonoscopy thing the night before, sh*t her brains out into a toilet (TYVM), drink that blue-cleansing stuff, and then after she was empty and germ-free, they took a freakin cake frosting squeezy bag and injected the chocolate mousse up her butt.

Cuz NO WAY does anybody eat that much sh*t and not flocken die!

And people are afraid to eat packaged spinach? Cuz there may be traces of cow dung in it? No WAY did that chick eat that can't be real.

And OBTW, the reaction videos on YouTube are HILARIOUS!!!

Saturday, December 1, 2007

My RingTone is "Enter Sandman"

This means that every time my cell phone rings, that unmistakeable bass chord riff prods my emotional muscle memory into expecting Mariano Rivera to jog in from the bullpen and nail down a Yankee win. That means I am in the 5th row of the Upper Deck, just above the Yankee dugout, at Yankee Stadium, full of Carvel, Cokes and Italian sausage, peeing my pants.

Only I'm not there, I'm at home, in my office, guzzling coffee and writing letters and making phone calls. Then, suddenly, the riff starts, and my heart thinks Mariano is going to come running in from the kitchen. Plus, my muscle memory needs to get up, loft my right fist into the sky, Jeter-style, and start headbanging....

Often, I let the phone ring a while, so I can enjoy the buildup. If I get to the part where the crescendo happens, the place where you start head-banging with abandon, the call goes to voice mail. So I have to answer before I really lose it...which is kind of like something else that's like trying to hold back a sneeze.

So usually when I answer, I just start cracking up...because it's so ridiculous to have "Enter Sandman" play every time I get a phone call. And yet it's hilarious because I get to have these insane little "Woopie, woopie!" moments at odd times throughout my day.